Child Support Agency, Claim Form Funnies

CHILD SUPPORT AGENCY Forms

The following are all replies that British women have put on
Child Support Agency forms in the section for listing father's details:

These are genuine excerpts from the forms.


1. Regarding the identity of the father of my twins, child A was
fathered by Tyrone Munson. I am unsure as to the identity of the father
of child B, but I believe that he was conceived on the same night.

2. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my child as I
was being sick out of a window when taken unexpectedly from behind. I
can provide you with a list of names of men that I think were at the
party if this helps.

3. I do not know the name of the father of my little girl. She
was conceived at a party at 36 Nottingham Avenue where I had unprotected
sex with a man I met that night. I do remember that the sex was so good
that I fainted. If you do manage to track down the father, can you send
me his phone number? Thanks.

4. I don't know the identity of the father of my daughter. He
drives a BMW that now has a hole made by my stiletto in one of the door
panels. Perhaps you can contact BMW service stations in this area, and
see if he's had it replaced.

5. I have never had sex with a man. I am awaiting a letter from
the Pope confirming that my son's conception was immaculate and that he
is Christ risen again.

6. I cannot tell you the name of child A's dad as he informs me
that to do so would blow his cover and that would have cataclysmic
implications for the British economy. I am torn between doing right by
you and right by the country. Please advise.

7. I do not know who the father of my child was as all squaddies
look the same to me. I can confirm that he was a Royal Green Jacket.

8. Leroy Smith is the father of child A. If you do catch up with
him, can you ask him what he did with my AC/DC CDs?

9. From the dates it seems that my daughter was conceived at
Euro Disney; maybe it really is the Magic Kingdom .

10. So much about that night is a blur. The only thing that I
remember for sure is Delia Smith did a program about eggs earlier in the
evening. If I'd have stayed in and watched more TV rather than going to
the party at 146 Miller Drive , mine might have remained unfertilised.

11. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my baby,
after all when you eat a can of beans you can't be sure which one made
you fart.